What’s up guys, it’s Ev! So for young people like myself, we’ve just moved out of the time of the year known as “Cuffin Season.” It’s that time of year when the weather is getting cold outside and we all start looking for something a little more permanent, if you will, when it comes to a relationship. Over these last few years more of an emphasis has been put on relationships NOW more than it ever has. It seems like relationships have moved from something special, something that develops over time and with maturity, to now, a trending topic; into this thing you gotta have regardless of the season that YOU are in.
And what’s even more noticeable is the fact that we’ve actually made it acceptable to make fun of and be rude to ourselves just because we’ve yet to find our “MCM” or “WCW.”
To every joke, there’s a dash of truth. We post, comment, share, and laugh at these messages because to some extent, we either believe them about ourselves or people we may know.
These messages affect everyone differently–Especially younger people or those individuals who already struggle with self acceptance and are seeking validation through relationships. When we focus so much attention and then apply pressure to being in a commitment or at least “talking” to someone, it can cripple our growth in other areas of our lives simply because we’re too caught up in who/what we think we need Right Now.
While big houses, bankrolls, and expensive automobiles aren’t inherently wrong, the questions I would pose to couples intrigued by this lifestyle is:
- Will your passions and pursuits afford you these luxuries?
2. Are you able to sustain a relationship where the two of you work so much for these things with very little time to enjoy each other?
These things take commitment, personal growth, an education, and above all else, sacrifice. And the catalyst for these principles we all know, require time. Sadly, in a world where we value a quick return on investment, (likes, comments, shares, adds, follows, IG phots, etc.) those principals become more and more difficult to wait on for most people.
I’m simply cautioning, whether you’re currently “booed up” or singling and mingling, to nurture the relationship you have with yourself First. Do not let social media, the music you listen to, or even a friend who loves hyping up their relationship to you, (We all got that one friend) force you to move into a season that you’re not properly clothed for. If you are in a season of single-hood, embrace it..own it..Take time to focus on your development. The right one will come at the right place, at the right time, and in the right season. Be excited and look forward to the summer but enjoy and marvel at the snow at your feet. A variety of seasons allows you to cherish each one for what it is.
Singles Survivor Kit
just figured I’d help share this survival kit with all my brothas and sistas in the singles struggle with me 😉 Here’s a list of ideas that will help focus your attention on your personal growth instead of your status.
- Educate yourself- Many times when we focus too much attention on cultivating a relationship with someone else, a very important person gets neglected. That person is you! You will never have as much free time as you do right now. Maximize the time you have with yourself and continue to learn and educate yourself on the world around you.
- Find a hobby-Creating a hobby not only focuses your attention on something fun and enjoyable, but you never know what new doors will open and what new connections you’ll make having attained a new skill or passion.
- Read books- There’s a quote that says, “If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads.” Whether you’re big into fictional pieces that expand your imagination and take you on a journey, or self-help books that challenge you to put its words into practice, reading is one of the most time-worthy practices you can indulge in.
- Volunteer- Servitude in this manner takes the focus off of your own issues and insecurities and re-focuses your energy on healing others. If you live in the Tulsa area, may I suggest a non-profit called, Night Light Tulsa. Night Light Tulsa is a weekly outreach event that builds relationships between Tulsa’s homeless population, lower income families, and the surrounding community.
5. Spend time with a married/dating couple that you admire- Without being too invasive and nosy, watch how they interact with one another. Be inquisitive. How do they affirm each other? What activities or traditions do they utilize to maximize their relationship? How do they recover from an argument? This has been quite useful in my life as I’ve surrounded myself with couples I admire and learn from every day.6. Begin a relationship with your Higher Power- I am a Christian, and I find my strength, acceptance, peace, and joy in Christ. That may be different with each individual. But take time to meditate/pray. It can’t harm ya can it?There’s a quote by Sarah Jessica Parker and she says,-“The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.”And to me, that is the most important #relationshipgoal one could have.
Guys thanks so much for reading!
What’s Happening Tulsa